OK, so this is kind of a Sam post. But since two of these happened today, I thought they should go up.
Carolyn and I were walking toward the post office. I was carrying Sam in the baby björn, and an older woman in one of those golfcart/wheelchair hybrids rolled along toward us. She stopped her cart to ask, in amazement, “Is that a real baby?” How do you answer these things? “No, we’re a mid-30s couple with a baby doll fetish. This is the latest American Doll — this one poops, isn’t that just soooo cool?!?”
Carolyn and I were getting a quick bite at Subway, because quick bites are all Sam lets us have. Subway worker one(sw1) was lamenting that she wouldn’t have granddaughters because her boys are done having kids. Subway worker two(sw2) asked about her daughter. Sw1 said that that wasn’t going to happen, the daughter was already 32. Sw2 said, sympathetically, “Oh, that’s still young.” Sw1 responded, “Oh God! I wouldn’t want to start that late!” Uh hello?!? 36-year old standing here with my infant. Can you be any more delicate? Oh, I guess must look like I’m 26. Yeah, right.
This last conversation is one I only had in my head. Depending on your perspective, I’m either too polite, or simply lack the balls to have it in person.
Me: So, what is it that you do?
Her: I’m a cashier at Wal*Mart,
Me: Aaah, Wal*Mart, one of my favorite places.
Her: I’ve noted your sarcasm. After all, I subscribe to your witty and insightful blog.
Me: Do you know anything about infants?
Her: Well, they tend to put their hands in their mouths a lot.
Me: So your days at Wal*Mart consist of…
Her: Well, I pretty much handle all of the cheap crap that people buy here, and I take money from all kinds of people, and keep it in this drawer here.
Me: And money — has a reputation for hygenic cleanliness, no?
Her: No, not so much.
Me: So, why exactly do you think it’s perfectly acceptable behavior to reach out with your filthy, scraggy, talons and touch my infant daughter’s hands?
Her: Ummmmm… because she’s soooo cute?