Welcome to Fruit Fly Club Med: Altoona. I’m your host Armando. Here at Fruit Fly Club Med: Altoona, you’ll find all of the normal Fruit Fly Club Med activities, from leisurely, loopy flights around the kitchen, to banana naps. Enjoy our nightly feast featuring a fruit platter with a garbage amuse-bouche and an occasional kitty litter surprise dessert.
But here at Fruit Fly Club Med: Altoona, we also have extreme sports including human baiting and disposal diving.
Thrill with pleasure and fear as you plumb the depths of the disposal featuring delectable day-old biomass, but don’t dally too long lest the waterfall of doom reappear and wash you to an untimely demise.
Or, try human baiting. Fly languorously near the ponderous, lumbering beasts, but be ready for action. On occasion, they manage to strike out. We recently lost a human baiting expedition leader to these ungainly giants. “Paul died doing what he loved.” A wife was quoted saying. A colleague at the human bating base camp chimed in, “He had no business still human baiting at his age — I mean can you imagine? 27 days old! He was lucky to still be able to fly at all!” Paul is survived by 62 children, approximately 3100 grand children, and untold millions of great grand-kids. At least his legacy lives on.