Yeah, this is one of the fundamental tenets of stoicism that quite speaks to me. I’m sure everyone has an example of a time when someone said or did something that pissed you off at the moment only to have that context subsequently replaced that changed the meaning entirely. (Mine is below.) But those are just the most blatant ones that rise to our attention. The trick is to realize that it’s always true. The world we live in, is entirely in our heads. No, that’s not true. I can see the keyboard, I can feel the keys. I know the keyboard is there Well, light that bounced off the keyboard triggered receptors in your eyes that sent electrical signals in your brain. And pressure against your fingertips triggered touch sensors which sent electrical signals to your brain. A technicality? Maybe. But also a fundamental truth. We only have our interpretations of things. We only have a map. And the map is not the territory. Things happen. Those things are (usually) outside of our direct control. How we feel about those things, on the other hand is one of the few things we can control. My dad recently told me that something I said was hurtful. (I didn’t bother to correct him; He has not shown an interest in this kind of growth.) Instead, my dad was hurt by something I said. Those things sound so similar but are actually really different. And it’s an important difference. When you recognize that you are the one bringing the hurt, you can be the one to start to heal. Of course, it’s true for the “good” things too. Letting go of the pain is the “easy” first step. Letting go of the joy is required for true enlightenment. (And just to be clear, I’m not at all there myself. I just have little pieces of letting go of the pain) My reframing story: I was headed back toward the house toward the end of a longish (for me) run. Most of the run, I’d felt tired, and sluggish. I kept observing and having to correct my form. As I approach home, I see my wife and daughter walking along in the opposite direction, and what does my wife do? She makes this wide-legged, slow-motion running gesture. I’m like, “damnit woman! I’m tired, I’m slow, and I’ve been working on my form off-and-on for 5 miles, and you’re making fun of my speed and form now?” Of course not. She was replaying a scene from Chariots of Fire (which, OK, I’ve never seen). But she was being loving and playful. I was receiving teasing mockery. Obviously, not every interpretation I have of the world is that wrong. But every one is some wrong. The map is not the territory!
